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The autumn months are starting to creep in, and i welcome it with open arms. Blows my mind to think i watched the entire summer go by from a window, indoors. My first MRI this stint was early October. it’s been near six months since i surrendered to “the process”, half of which i was unable to walk unassisted. I can proudly say i’m proper in the healing zone, conscientious and determined as ever -persevering with my exercise regime i’m now walking unassisted and sleeping much better. From 1-2 hours a night for a few months to 6 hours sleep and an afternoon nap. Still on a cocktail of medications, which the same ol’ aftermath. Moon face, sensitive teeth, shabby skin, a plethora of body fat, i’m now decorated with stretch-marks which is new feat. for me just to name a few. i used to say it felt like my stomach was ripping and pulling inside and out and i was right. As i always harp on, body are malleable and my focus should be for the best physiological outcome, not vanity nor ego. I mean, what good is “external success” if your “internally failing”? nothing. Resiliency can be defined as the ineffable quality that allows some people to be knocked down by life and come back stronger than ever. How epic is that description? 

I watched a TedTalk which discussed vulnerability; it being neither comfortable nor excruciating, but necessary just as the ability to tolerate discomfort is necessary to proceed to the next level in any area of your life. I’m so grateful that i have had this platform where i could be comfortably uncomfortable being vulnerable, expressing my frustrations and fears. I’m proud that i’ve been the real deal sharing all my anxieties, fears and struggles. It feels so good not be fake and hide, its less turmoil with myself. Theres no shame in therapy, it really helps.

Still have appts from multiple departments at PMCC coming through, but they are less frequent. I had physio appt. this morning, my balance, speed and step up game is that of an 75+ year old lmao. Diligent people do not give up easily on themselves or others, i will need to keep reminding myself because its 67 days until Great Ocean Road marathon i’ve committed to and i will be collecting a finishers medal 

I have requested to start back at Crunch Fitness next week (16/3) and its very nerve racking for me. I’m excited, i’m ready and i want to be back in there with the crew, but i know my anxieties will be through the roof! (Queue the Lorazepam!) Im afraid people will judge me. All PT’s are to submit a bio blurb which will be shared somewhere (i have also dropped this onto my website  https://ameliapeters.com.au/amelia-peters/ under heading “Amelia’s own health and fitness journey) so i feel i’m going to be the “pregnant looking trainer” or the “sick trainer”…”that trainer obviously doesn’t practice what she preaches”. These are my insecurities. I know anxiety, worry and nervousness are all normal reactions to uncomfortable situations, and shifts happen when you choose goals over fear.

Thank you for reading. Touch base soon

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